This may be a little old, or obvious to everyone but me, but I’d like to possibly contribute something of worth to this blog, so here is a topic we could discuss in these here comments section. Some people view the increased rivalry between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama as a sign that the democratic party is imploding, is this assumption true?
There could be an unforeseen benefit to this, namely that Clinton and Obama are doing so much to dig up dirt on each other that the republicans will have trouble coming up with slander against whichever one prevails. We all know that the American public has a relatively short memory of current events, so when Mccain brings up about how Obama’s pastor is crazy, or how Hillary Clinton has a tendency to forget whether or not she was shot at, people will say “That’s old, we want something new and sexy!”
What do you think audience? Could this be a blessing in disguise to the Democrats? Is this point that I made hugely obvious, and am I waisting your time here? Discuss friends! Discuss!
Also big news apparently Oliver Stone is making a movie about George W Bush called "W". Here is the cast list http://www.usatoday.com/life/movies/news/2008-03-27-stone-bush-movie_N.htm#discov
HAH funny the guy who is playing Bush is the evil doctor from Planet Terror. : )
Everybody vote for Chuck Norris to play Dick Cheney at that link, that will make "W" ten times more badass.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Rabbit-man Manifesto
Arrogance is a common folly of professional bloggers like me. Essentially we are translating the events of the world into easy to process segments so that you the proletariat may have a chance, however small, of understanding what’s going on around you. Blogging is a thankless job that leads to long hours and intense loneliness, and the only rational compensation one can seek through blogging is a false sense of superiority. One of my countless responsibilities is to remain constantly vigilant, so that my columns do not dissolve into a virtual pissing contest between me, myself, and I. So I have decided to expunge all the false arrogance I can muster into one column. You lucky bastards are reading that column right now.
Please enjoy a list of fictional characters that I could totally beat up. First I think I should add that these fights wouldn’t be a straight up fistfight, I would be bringing my trademark weapon, a baseball bat with a rusty nail hammered through the end, to counter my lack of physical strength, and to add even more range to my long wiry arms. Now let the listing commence.
1. Mario, Mario: This video game icon has starred in numerous games, which the nerds at Wikipedia have numbered to around 200. So why do I think I could beat up this asshat? Well I’m getting to that point right now. Let’s look at the facts: the story of the Mario games revolves around an obese plumber who takes a trip to the mushroom kingdom to rescue a princess from a dragon, while eating magic mushrooms that give him super powers. Nintendo got two things right, one that Mario is an obese plumber and two that he is tripping out on magic mushrooms, or shrooms as my gang friends might call them. I wouldn’t even need my awesome bat to beat up a barely conscious plumber.
2. Bambi: Now I realize some of you may be horrified by my inclusion of Bambi on this list, but let me reassure you when I imagine fighting Bambi I don’t imagine fighting the cute little deer, and his animal friends, I usually have a certain scenario in my mind. You see in my mind Bambi has been infected with a particularly violent strain of rabies, and has taken to terrorizing a small town. Eventually I am called in by the town leadership with the promise of two comely lasses if I am able to rid the town of this beast. Now since this fight is part biological warfare, I would probably wear a mask or maybe some goggles to protect against infection. When I eventually confront Bambi and he lunges in to attack me, I would whack him with my bat, and hopefully since he is so small and adorable he will go down in one hit. If not I will just repeat the process.
3. Fred Flintstone: This would probably be my greatest battle, I mean have you seen him power that car with his massively powerful legs. However, Fred Flintstone has one notable weakness, he is especially susceptible to concussions. I mean have you seen any episode of the flintstones, he gets hit on the head by a bowling ball or a rock every other episode, and as everyone knows it’s easier to get a concussion when you have already have had one. I would have to do my best to avoid his crazy Neanderthal strength, by keeping far away, and bash him on the head whenever I get a chance. I’m pretty sure one decent hit would put him down for the count.
Also I'd like to extend a warm welcome to our new colleague "sheep rapist", I think you'll fit right in.
Please enjoy a list of fictional characters that I could totally beat up. First I think I should add that these fights wouldn’t be a straight up fistfight, I would be bringing my trademark weapon, a baseball bat with a rusty nail hammered through the end, to counter my lack of physical strength, and to add even more range to my long wiry arms. Now let the listing commence.
1. Mario, Mario: This video game icon has starred in numerous games, which the nerds at Wikipedia have numbered to around 200. So why do I think I could beat up this asshat? Well I’m getting to that point right now. Let’s look at the facts: the story of the Mario games revolves around an obese plumber who takes a trip to the mushroom kingdom to rescue a princess from a dragon, while eating magic mushrooms that give him super powers. Nintendo got two things right, one that Mario is an obese plumber and two that he is tripping out on magic mushrooms, or shrooms as my gang friends might call them. I wouldn’t even need my awesome bat to beat up a barely conscious plumber.
2. Bambi: Now I realize some of you may be horrified by my inclusion of Bambi on this list, but let me reassure you when I imagine fighting Bambi I don’t imagine fighting the cute little deer, and his animal friends, I usually have a certain scenario in my mind. You see in my mind Bambi has been infected with a particularly violent strain of rabies, and has taken to terrorizing a small town. Eventually I am called in by the town leadership with the promise of two comely lasses if I am able to rid the town of this beast. Now since this fight is part biological warfare, I would probably wear a mask or maybe some goggles to protect against infection. When I eventually confront Bambi and he lunges in to attack me, I would whack him with my bat, and hopefully since he is so small and adorable he will go down in one hit. If not I will just repeat the process.
3. Fred Flintstone: This would probably be my greatest battle, I mean have you seen him power that car with his massively powerful legs. However, Fred Flintstone has one notable weakness, he is especially susceptible to concussions. I mean have you seen any episode of the flintstones, he gets hit on the head by a bowling ball or a rock every other episode, and as everyone knows it’s easier to get a concussion when you have already have had one. I would have to do my best to avoid his crazy Neanderthal strength, by keeping far away, and bash him on the head whenever I get a chance. I’m pretty sure one decent hit would put him down for the count.
Also I'd like to extend a warm welcome to our new colleague "sheep rapist", I think you'll fit right in.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Gnome
Spend the years of learning squandering
Courage for the years of wandering
Through a world politely turning
From the loutishness of learning
-Samuel Beckett, 1934
Damn this planet résumé...
Courage for the years of wandering
Through a world politely turning
From the loutishness of learning
-Samuel Beckett, 1934
Damn this planet résumé...
Sunday, February 24, 2008
The Best Political Team Ever!
I suppose an introduction is in order. Hello my name is Rabbit-man and I will be contributing semiregularly to this blog. Here are some quick facts about me: I once fought a hippo and a walrus at the same time while helping a small child with their math homework. I have no major felonies on my criminal record. I also like long walks on the beach, cuddling, and pressing flowers into books. I apologize in advance for my lack of eloquence, the length of this poorly edited article, and its all around poor quality.
Some of you people out there may have heard of the recent dick waving contest between CNN the most trusted name in news, and Fox news, the self proclaimed news station. For those of you who haven’t, I have one thing to say “Congratulations you have a life! Now leave!”
I feel that I should explain what I am talking about, two weeks ago CNN’s Wolf Blitzer proclaimed that CNN had the best political team on television. What he didn’t explain is what exactly that means, but he’s kind of old so people just humored him for a few days. Sensing an opportunity to assert their superiority, Rupert Murdoch’s FOX News decided to channel comic book guy by proclaiming that they had the “Best Political Team EVER!” Now this bold exclamation got me to thinking just what would be the best political team ever? I decided to do what I normally do when I encounter such a situation: consult my crack team of blog researchers, and after locking 1000 monkeys in a room with 1000 typewriters I was prepared to wait a week and find out. After a few hours I said “screw it”, and decided to do some research myself in the proud blogger tradition, by going to Wikipedia! After a few minutes I compiled this list of what would most assuredly be the best political team ever!
Team Captain: Abraham Lincoln. Let me consult my list of what a team captain should be
1. Must be a good leader who works well under pressure
2. Must have the audacity to stick to their beliefs even if hillbilly farmers with pitchforks threaten them with violence
3. Must have an awesome hat
I think you can all see that Lincoln clearly is the best choice to lead this team.
Team secretary: James Madison. If you were to make a list of the men most responsible for America’s present form of government this dude would be at the top of it. This man’s qualifications are many, but the most obvious are that he was a political genius, and his notes are the only record left of the constitutional convention held in Philadelphia. There ya go he was already acting like a secretary even before the need for this team arose. No one can argue with my logic, he belongs in this position, but Madison was the 18th century equivalent of a white erkel, and all this honky nerdiness needs to be countered. Which brings me to our next member:
Team Lead singer: Barack Obama. When I was compiling this team I had a major problem: how exactly would I counter the void in charisma that is a white erkel? After literally minutes of deep introspection I came up with the only thing that can possibly even this void out: a black Fonzi (god I need to update my metaphors). Websters dictionary defines charisma as the ability of one individual to get members of the opposite sex to like them. Judging by this definition which I just completely made up, Obama has tons of charisma. Oprah winfrey herself recently endorsed him, meaning that soccer moms are coming out in full force for him. But obama’s popularity isn’t limited to soccer moms younger ladies love this guy too, just look at Obama girl.
Team Badass: Makoto Nagano. Ever since I started attending college I have been watching the television station G4. In addition to a steep drop in IQ, I have gained a deep respect, and love of the Japanese game show/insane obstacle course ninja warrior. Only two men have emerged victorious from the show, and this dude was one of them. Just check out this video of him,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7VG5_diRx4U
If Jackie Chan, Chuck Norris and Mr. T were to somehow have an unholy Japanese love child this guy would be it. I know I would feel safe if I was on the same team as this guy.
Some of you people out there may have heard of the recent dick waving contest between CNN the most trusted name in news, and Fox news, the self proclaimed news station. For those of you who haven’t, I have one thing to say “Congratulations you have a life! Now leave!”
I feel that I should explain what I am talking about, two weeks ago CNN’s Wolf Blitzer proclaimed that CNN had the best political team on television. What he didn’t explain is what exactly that means, but he’s kind of old so people just humored him for a few days. Sensing an opportunity to assert their superiority, Rupert Murdoch’s FOX News decided to channel comic book guy by proclaiming that they had the “Best Political Team EVER!” Now this bold exclamation got me to thinking just what would be the best political team ever? I decided to do what I normally do when I encounter such a situation: consult my crack team of blog researchers, and after locking 1000 monkeys in a room with 1000 typewriters I was prepared to wait a week and find out. After a few hours I said “screw it”, and decided to do some research myself in the proud blogger tradition, by going to Wikipedia! After a few minutes I compiled this list of what would most assuredly be the best political team ever!
Team Captain: Abraham Lincoln. Let me consult my list of what a team captain should be
1. Must be a good leader who works well under pressure
2. Must have the audacity to stick to their beliefs even if hillbilly farmers with pitchforks threaten them with violence
3. Must have an awesome hat
I think you can all see that Lincoln clearly is the best choice to lead this team.
Team secretary: James Madison. If you were to make a list of the men most responsible for America’s present form of government this dude would be at the top of it. This man’s qualifications are many, but the most obvious are that he was a political genius, and his notes are the only record left of the constitutional convention held in Philadelphia. There ya go he was already acting like a secretary even before the need for this team arose. No one can argue with my logic, he belongs in this position, but Madison was the 18th century equivalent of a white erkel, and all this honky nerdiness needs to be countered. Which brings me to our next member:
Team Lead singer: Barack Obama. When I was compiling this team I had a major problem: how exactly would I counter the void in charisma that is a white erkel? After literally minutes of deep introspection I came up with the only thing that can possibly even this void out: a black Fonzi (god I need to update my metaphors). Websters dictionary defines charisma as the ability of one individual to get members of the opposite sex to like them. Judging by this definition which I just completely made up, Obama has tons of charisma. Oprah winfrey herself recently endorsed him, meaning that soccer moms are coming out in full force for him. But obama’s popularity isn’t limited to soccer moms younger ladies love this guy too, just look at Obama girl.
Team Badass: Makoto Nagano. Ever since I started attending college I have been watching the television station G4. In addition to a steep drop in IQ, I have gained a deep respect, and love of the Japanese game show/insane obstacle course ninja warrior. Only two men have emerged victorious from the show, and this dude was one of them. Just check out this video of him,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7VG5_diRx4U
If Jackie Chan, Chuck Norris and Mr. T were to somehow have an unholy Japanese love child this guy would be it. I know I would feel safe if I was on the same team as this guy.
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