In the TV industry it is common for writers to take an idea that worked in the previous television season and make a new spin on it for the new season. Usually this ends up with a bunch of crappy rip-offs of a successful show like Lost or Desperate Houswives cluttering the airwaves, but sometimes really good shows come around. For example Lost made producers realize that people like serialized mystery shows that have a large cast of different characters connected by some chance circumstance, and Heroes the was born (except this wasn't good because Heroes sucks). Heroes made producers realize that the public likes shows about people who have magic powers, and the fantastically awesome Pushing Daisies was born!! Now I could be a pessimist and question whether the awesomeness of Pushing Daisies justifies all the crappy rip-offs of Lost, but I won’t because I’m getting off topic. Recently with the success of Battlestar Galactica Television writers have begun to think that making gritty versions of beloved shows from yesteryear is a good idea. This concept has led to crappy shows like Bionic Woman and Nightrider.
Well now I’ve come up with a great twist on a beloved classic from yesteryear. I call it: SMURFS 2000, and here is my pitch for this gritty action packed new show.
One sentence pitch: Terrence Jacobson is a cult deprogrammer sent by the government to assess a local community that has sprung up in the mountains near a rural village.
Pitch that I would give to a studio executive: It’s like Battlestar Galactica but with smurfs!!!
Main Characters:
Terrence Jacobson: A psychiatrist who specializes in deprogramming individuals from cults. He is a 30 something individual, who has no actual field experience to speak of essentially this mission is his first interaction with an actual cult since he completed his education.
Robert Douglas: A body guard with a dark and shady past sent to accompany Jacobson on his mission. His philosophy is to get the job done no matter the consequences, but after a few episodes the audience will discover that he’s actually a kind hearted person. He is about 40 years old
Papa: The enigmatic leader of the S.M.U.R.F. community. What are his motivations? Can he be trusted? He is in his late 50s
Codename Smurfette: A femme fatale sent in by the government after the events of the first story-arc. She serves as a love interest for Jacobson, because we need a romance in this show to get the women to watch. Cast an attractive 20 something actress for this role.
Jokey: The leader of the resistance movement that has sprung up against Papa. He plants bombs around the village that look like presents. We can make it a commentary on American Materialism or something. He hates god for some reason.
Story-arcs
Introduction (Will take place over the course of the first three episodes)
Terrence Jacobson, and Douglas enter the village, but before Jacobson can meet with Papa a bomb explodes killing his government escort. When Papa tells Jacobson and Douglas that the bombing was the work of a terrorist named Jokey, Douglas heads off to hunt him down, and Jacobson must convince his superiors in the government not to destroy the entire community for attacking their men.
Second Story Arc (Will take place over the next three to four episodes)
Codename Smurfette is dispatched to the village to act as a spy for the government, and to observe the progress Jacobson is making. Meanwhile during interrogation Jokey reveals that his followers have hidden several more bombs around the community. After Douglas is injured saving Jacobson from a bomb, Jacobson and Codename smurfette must team up to find the rest of Jokey’s followers.
Third Story Arc: (Six episodes)
Jokey is taken away to be tried by a military tribunal, and Jacobson begins his job of interviewing the community members. Jokey’s trial is covered, and he tries to cut a deal with the military by offering them information on the inner workings of the S.M.U.R.F. community. Meanwhile Douglas begins to suspect that the nurses are trying to kill him in the S.M.U.R.F. hospital, and Jacobson becomes the target of an assassin who believes that the government wants to destroy the community.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Your Children Aren't Safe
Hello and welcome to FNN headline news this is your host Rambo Cocksplosion. You all had better be strapped into your seat, because we have got an hour of news that’ll totally make you forget about last weeks show with the three car chases, the polygamist cult, and the baby shaking babysitter.
Rambo: We now go to our Field reporter Tom, who has an update on a grizzly accident discovered early today.
Tom: I’m here today on the scene of a gruesome skateboarding accident. Earlier today police found the body of Tobias Mallory, covered in lighter fluid in a ditch with three hunting knives in his back. According to his friends Tobias was practicing for a big skating trick at the local tournament to be held later this week.
Rambo: I hate to interrupt you Tom, but weren’t you supposed to interview the police chief?
Tom: Yeah that’s why he’s standing here right next to me, I was trying to build up to the interview with a clever segue, but I guess I’ll just start it now. Police chief Seamus O’Flannery how was your day?
O’Flannery: It was pretty good until I got to this accident here. Tis a shame really seeing these young kids dying in a bunch of accidents. Why just last week little Jimmy Cruise shot himself 15 times while chopping off both of his hands. Why do these kids feel the need to do all these extreme stunts?
Rambo: Uh Tom that was a terrible question. Why don’t you ask him something relevant.
Tom: Rambo you arrogant little shit I never took that crap from you when I was your boss and I’m not gonna take it now.
Rambo: Yeah you were a terrible manager for this network that’s why you got demoted to field reporter. Now you are a terrible field reporter. At least you’re consistent.
Tom: Well I’d like to see you come up with a good question when you have to smell the stench of some dead skateboarding clown Rambo.
Rambo: You were a terrible father too.
Tom: Yeah well I’m ashamed of you son.
O’Flannery: Can I leave now?
Rambo: We’re gonna take a quick break
Tom: Yeah that’s right run away from all your problems son, you’re just like your mother.
Segment 2 Marilyn Monroe sex tape:
Rambo: Well we just got some breaking news apparently a Marilyn Monroe sex tape has been discovered we brought in our Sex Tape expert to explain more.
Jacob Hume: Hi Rambo nice to be here.
Rambo: Well Jacob how is that sex tape do we get to see any boob?
Jacob: Oh yeah there’s tons of boob, there’s this guy, in the tape you never really see his face, but he’s got his shirt off the whole time. Fantastic I tell ya.
Rambo: I meant is Marilyn Monroe naked in this tape.
Jacob: No not really.
Rambo: Then why is it called a sex tape if we don’t get to see her naked?
Jacob: Well she might not be naked but she’s giving that naked guy the finest blow job I’ve ever seen. Good lord by my count it was fifteen minutes long. Just from my perspective she really gave the guy what he wanted. He could barely walk afterward. She was like a freaking vacuum cleaner.
Rambo: Some people seem to think the man in this video could have been former president John F. Kennedy.
Jacob: Just from my knowledge of penises it could very well be true. I mean that was a penis worthy of a president. Monroe really gave that thing a workout , if it was any normal man’s penis it would have surely fallen off.
Rambo: Thank you Jacob it’s been a pleasure.
Jacob: The pleasure’s all mine.
Segment 3 Your Children aren’t safe.
Rambo: we have a special report from our local correspondent Gustav Robertson on a problem affecting our local schools, and the solution one brave Arizona senator has suggested.
Robertson: Springvalley elementary school, a quiet place where children come to learn. Well last week the calm environment of the school was shattered, like a hand grenade baked into a wedding cake, as a deranged man dressed in a bear suit broke into the school and started slapping kids with what witnesses described as a rotting fish. The outcry against this incident was tremendous. How can we assure that this would never happen to our children again? Well Karen Johnson, a brave state senator from Arizona, had a solution. She proposed a bill that would allow kindergarten and up students to carry firearms on school campuses. Unfortunately the political quacks in the Arizona state senate amended the bill to only allow for college students to carry firearms. Now your children aren’t safe, because they don’t have firearms with which to protect themselves. Senator Johnson put it best when she said “I feel like our Kindergarteners are sitting there like sitting ducks.” Another way of keeping our children safe just thrown out the window, like an unwanted pregnancy on prom night. I don’t know about you Rambo, but I certainly will be worrying about my little one tonight.
Rambo: Damn fine reporting Robertson, Damn fine reporting.
Rambo: We now go to our Field reporter Tom, who has an update on a grizzly accident discovered early today.
Tom: I’m here today on the scene of a gruesome skateboarding accident. Earlier today police found the body of Tobias Mallory, covered in lighter fluid in a ditch with three hunting knives in his back. According to his friends Tobias was practicing for a big skating trick at the local tournament to be held later this week.
Rambo: I hate to interrupt you Tom, but weren’t you supposed to interview the police chief?
Tom: Yeah that’s why he’s standing here right next to me, I was trying to build up to the interview with a clever segue, but I guess I’ll just start it now. Police chief Seamus O’Flannery how was your day?
O’Flannery: It was pretty good until I got to this accident here. Tis a shame really seeing these young kids dying in a bunch of accidents. Why just last week little Jimmy Cruise shot himself 15 times while chopping off both of his hands. Why do these kids feel the need to do all these extreme stunts?
Rambo: Uh Tom that was a terrible question. Why don’t you ask him something relevant.
Tom: Rambo you arrogant little shit I never took that crap from you when I was your boss and I’m not gonna take it now.
Rambo: Yeah you were a terrible manager for this network that’s why you got demoted to field reporter. Now you are a terrible field reporter. At least you’re consistent.
Tom: Well I’d like to see you come up with a good question when you have to smell the stench of some dead skateboarding clown Rambo.
Rambo: You were a terrible father too.
Tom: Yeah well I’m ashamed of you son.
O’Flannery: Can I leave now?
Rambo: We’re gonna take a quick break
Tom: Yeah that’s right run away from all your problems son, you’re just like your mother.
Segment 2 Marilyn Monroe sex tape:
Rambo: Well we just got some breaking news apparently a Marilyn Monroe sex tape has been discovered we brought in our Sex Tape expert to explain more.
Jacob Hume: Hi Rambo nice to be here.
Rambo: Well Jacob how is that sex tape do we get to see any boob?
Jacob: Oh yeah there’s tons of boob, there’s this guy, in the tape you never really see his face, but he’s got his shirt off the whole time. Fantastic I tell ya.
Rambo: I meant is Marilyn Monroe naked in this tape.
Jacob: No not really.
Rambo: Then why is it called a sex tape if we don’t get to see her naked?
Jacob: Well she might not be naked but she’s giving that naked guy the finest blow job I’ve ever seen. Good lord by my count it was fifteen minutes long. Just from my perspective she really gave the guy what he wanted. He could barely walk afterward. She was like a freaking vacuum cleaner.
Rambo: Some people seem to think the man in this video could have been former president John F. Kennedy.
Jacob: Just from my knowledge of penises it could very well be true. I mean that was a penis worthy of a president. Monroe really gave that thing a workout , if it was any normal man’s penis it would have surely fallen off.
Rambo: Thank you Jacob it’s been a pleasure.
Jacob: The pleasure’s all mine.
Segment 3 Your Children aren’t safe.
Rambo: we have a special report from our local correspondent Gustav Robertson on a problem affecting our local schools, and the solution one brave Arizona senator has suggested.
Robertson: Springvalley elementary school, a quiet place where children come to learn. Well last week the calm environment of the school was shattered, like a hand grenade baked into a wedding cake, as a deranged man dressed in a bear suit broke into the school and started slapping kids with what witnesses described as a rotting fish. The outcry against this incident was tremendous. How can we assure that this would never happen to our children again? Well Karen Johnson, a brave state senator from Arizona, had a solution. She proposed a bill that would allow kindergarten and up students to carry firearms on school campuses. Unfortunately the political quacks in the Arizona state senate amended the bill to only allow for college students to carry firearms. Now your children aren’t safe, because they don’t have firearms with which to protect themselves. Senator Johnson put it best when she said “I feel like our Kindergarteners are sitting there like sitting ducks.” Another way of keeping our children safe just thrown out the window, like an unwanted pregnancy on prom night. I don’t know about you Rambo, but I certainly will be worrying about my little one tonight.
Rambo: Damn fine reporting Robertson, Damn fine reporting.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Discuss!!
This may be a little old, or obvious to everyone but me, but I’d like to possibly contribute something of worth to this blog, so here is a topic we could discuss in these here comments section. Some people view the increased rivalry between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama as a sign that the democratic party is imploding, is this assumption true?
There could be an unforeseen benefit to this, namely that Clinton and Obama are doing so much to dig up dirt on each other that the republicans will have trouble coming up with slander against whichever one prevails. We all know that the American public has a relatively short memory of current events, so when Mccain brings up about how Obama’s pastor is crazy, or how Hillary Clinton has a tendency to forget whether or not she was shot at, people will say “That’s old, we want something new and sexy!”
What do you think audience? Could this be a blessing in disguise to the Democrats? Is this point that I made hugely obvious, and am I waisting your time here? Discuss friends! Discuss!
Also big news apparently Oliver Stone is making a movie about George W Bush called "W". Here is the cast list http://www.usatoday.com/life/movies/news/2008-03-27-stone-bush-movie_N.htm#discov
HAH funny the guy who is playing Bush is the evil doctor from Planet Terror. : )
Everybody vote for Chuck Norris to play Dick Cheney at that link, that will make "W" ten times more badass.
There could be an unforeseen benefit to this, namely that Clinton and Obama are doing so much to dig up dirt on each other that the republicans will have trouble coming up with slander against whichever one prevails. We all know that the American public has a relatively short memory of current events, so when Mccain brings up about how Obama’s pastor is crazy, or how Hillary Clinton has a tendency to forget whether or not she was shot at, people will say “That’s old, we want something new and sexy!”
What do you think audience? Could this be a blessing in disguise to the Democrats? Is this point that I made hugely obvious, and am I waisting your time here? Discuss friends! Discuss!
Also big news apparently Oliver Stone is making a movie about George W Bush called "W". Here is the cast list http://www.usatoday.com/life/movies/news/2008-03-27-stone-bush-movie_N.htm#discov
HAH funny the guy who is playing Bush is the evil doctor from Planet Terror. : )
Everybody vote for Chuck Norris to play Dick Cheney at that link, that will make "W" ten times more badass.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Rabbit-man Manifesto
Arrogance is a common folly of professional bloggers like me. Essentially we are translating the events of the world into easy to process segments so that you the proletariat may have a chance, however small, of understanding what’s going on around you. Blogging is a thankless job that leads to long hours and intense loneliness, and the only rational compensation one can seek through blogging is a false sense of superiority. One of my countless responsibilities is to remain constantly vigilant, so that my columns do not dissolve into a virtual pissing contest between me, myself, and I. So I have decided to expunge all the false arrogance I can muster into one column. You lucky bastards are reading that column right now.
Please enjoy a list of fictional characters that I could totally beat up. First I think I should add that these fights wouldn’t be a straight up fistfight, I would be bringing my trademark weapon, a baseball bat with a rusty nail hammered through the end, to counter my lack of physical strength, and to add even more range to my long wiry arms. Now let the listing commence.
1. Mario, Mario: This video game icon has starred in numerous games, which the nerds at Wikipedia have numbered to around 200. So why do I think I could beat up this asshat? Well I’m getting to that point right now. Let’s look at the facts: the story of the Mario games revolves around an obese plumber who takes a trip to the mushroom kingdom to rescue a princess from a dragon, while eating magic mushrooms that give him super powers. Nintendo got two things right, one that Mario is an obese plumber and two that he is tripping out on magic mushrooms, or shrooms as my gang friends might call them. I wouldn’t even need my awesome bat to beat up a barely conscious plumber.
2. Bambi: Now I realize some of you may be horrified by my inclusion of Bambi on this list, but let me reassure you when I imagine fighting Bambi I don’t imagine fighting the cute little deer, and his animal friends, I usually have a certain scenario in my mind. You see in my mind Bambi has been infected with a particularly violent strain of rabies, and has taken to terrorizing a small town. Eventually I am called in by the town leadership with the promise of two comely lasses if I am able to rid the town of this beast. Now since this fight is part biological warfare, I would probably wear a mask or maybe some goggles to protect against infection. When I eventually confront Bambi and he lunges in to attack me, I would whack him with my bat, and hopefully since he is so small and adorable he will go down in one hit. If not I will just repeat the process.
3. Fred Flintstone: This would probably be my greatest battle, I mean have you seen him power that car with his massively powerful legs. However, Fred Flintstone has one notable weakness, he is especially susceptible to concussions. I mean have you seen any episode of the flintstones, he gets hit on the head by a bowling ball or a rock every other episode, and as everyone knows it’s easier to get a concussion when you have already have had one. I would have to do my best to avoid his crazy Neanderthal strength, by keeping far away, and bash him on the head whenever I get a chance. I’m pretty sure one decent hit would put him down for the count.
Also I'd like to extend a warm welcome to our new colleague "sheep rapist", I think you'll fit right in.
Please enjoy a list of fictional characters that I could totally beat up. First I think I should add that these fights wouldn’t be a straight up fistfight, I would be bringing my trademark weapon, a baseball bat with a rusty nail hammered through the end, to counter my lack of physical strength, and to add even more range to my long wiry arms. Now let the listing commence.
1. Mario, Mario: This video game icon has starred in numerous games, which the nerds at Wikipedia have numbered to around 200. So why do I think I could beat up this asshat? Well I’m getting to that point right now. Let’s look at the facts: the story of the Mario games revolves around an obese plumber who takes a trip to the mushroom kingdom to rescue a princess from a dragon, while eating magic mushrooms that give him super powers. Nintendo got two things right, one that Mario is an obese plumber and two that he is tripping out on magic mushrooms, or shrooms as my gang friends might call them. I wouldn’t even need my awesome bat to beat up a barely conscious plumber.
2. Bambi: Now I realize some of you may be horrified by my inclusion of Bambi on this list, but let me reassure you when I imagine fighting Bambi I don’t imagine fighting the cute little deer, and his animal friends, I usually have a certain scenario in my mind. You see in my mind Bambi has been infected with a particularly violent strain of rabies, and has taken to terrorizing a small town. Eventually I am called in by the town leadership with the promise of two comely lasses if I am able to rid the town of this beast. Now since this fight is part biological warfare, I would probably wear a mask or maybe some goggles to protect against infection. When I eventually confront Bambi and he lunges in to attack me, I would whack him with my bat, and hopefully since he is so small and adorable he will go down in one hit. If not I will just repeat the process.
3. Fred Flintstone: This would probably be my greatest battle, I mean have you seen him power that car with his massively powerful legs. However, Fred Flintstone has one notable weakness, he is especially susceptible to concussions. I mean have you seen any episode of the flintstones, he gets hit on the head by a bowling ball or a rock every other episode, and as everyone knows it’s easier to get a concussion when you have already have had one. I would have to do my best to avoid his crazy Neanderthal strength, by keeping far away, and bash him on the head whenever I get a chance. I’m pretty sure one decent hit would put him down for the count.
Also I'd like to extend a warm welcome to our new colleague "sheep rapist", I think you'll fit right in.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Gnome
Spend the years of learning squandering
Courage for the years of wandering
Through a world politely turning
From the loutishness of learning
-Samuel Beckett, 1934
Damn this planet résumé...
Courage for the years of wandering
Through a world politely turning
From the loutishness of learning
-Samuel Beckett, 1934
Damn this planet résumé...
Sunday, February 24, 2008
The Best Political Team Ever!
I suppose an introduction is in order. Hello my name is Rabbit-man and I will be contributing semiregularly to this blog. Here are some quick facts about me: I once fought a hippo and a walrus at the same time while helping a small child with their math homework. I have no major felonies on my criminal record. I also like long walks on the beach, cuddling, and pressing flowers into books. I apologize in advance for my lack of eloquence, the length of this poorly edited article, and its all around poor quality.
Some of you people out there may have heard of the recent dick waving contest between CNN the most trusted name in news, and Fox news, the self proclaimed news station. For those of you who haven’t, I have one thing to say “Congratulations you have a life! Now leave!”
I feel that I should explain what I am talking about, two weeks ago CNN’s Wolf Blitzer proclaimed that CNN had the best political team on television. What he didn’t explain is what exactly that means, but he’s kind of old so people just humored him for a few days. Sensing an opportunity to assert their superiority, Rupert Murdoch’s FOX News decided to channel comic book guy by proclaiming that they had the “Best Political Team EVER!” Now this bold exclamation got me to thinking just what would be the best political team ever? I decided to do what I normally do when I encounter such a situation: consult my crack team of blog researchers, and after locking 1000 monkeys in a room with 1000 typewriters I was prepared to wait a week and find out. After a few hours I said “screw it”, and decided to do some research myself in the proud blogger tradition, by going to Wikipedia! After a few minutes I compiled this list of what would most assuredly be the best political team ever!
Team Captain: Abraham Lincoln. Let me consult my list of what a team captain should be
1. Must be a good leader who works well under pressure
2. Must have the audacity to stick to their beliefs even if hillbilly farmers with pitchforks threaten them with violence
3. Must have an awesome hat
I think you can all see that Lincoln clearly is the best choice to lead this team.
Team secretary: James Madison. If you were to make a list of the men most responsible for America’s present form of government this dude would be at the top of it. This man’s qualifications are many, but the most obvious are that he was a political genius, and his notes are the only record left of the constitutional convention held in Philadelphia. There ya go he was already acting like a secretary even before the need for this team arose. No one can argue with my logic, he belongs in this position, but Madison was the 18th century equivalent of a white erkel, and all this honky nerdiness needs to be countered. Which brings me to our next member:
Team Lead singer: Barack Obama. When I was compiling this team I had a major problem: how exactly would I counter the void in charisma that is a white erkel? After literally minutes of deep introspection I came up with the only thing that can possibly even this void out: a black Fonzi (god I need to update my metaphors). Websters dictionary defines charisma as the ability of one individual to get members of the opposite sex to like them. Judging by this definition which I just completely made up, Obama has tons of charisma. Oprah winfrey herself recently endorsed him, meaning that soccer moms are coming out in full force for him. But obama’s popularity isn’t limited to soccer moms younger ladies love this guy too, just look at Obama girl.
Team Badass: Makoto Nagano. Ever since I started attending college I have been watching the television station G4. In addition to a steep drop in IQ, I have gained a deep respect, and love of the Japanese game show/insane obstacle course ninja warrior. Only two men have emerged victorious from the show, and this dude was one of them. Just check out this video of him,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7VG5_diRx4U
If Jackie Chan, Chuck Norris and Mr. T were to somehow have an unholy Japanese love child this guy would be it. I know I would feel safe if I was on the same team as this guy.
Some of you people out there may have heard of the recent dick waving contest between CNN the most trusted name in news, and Fox news, the self proclaimed news station. For those of you who haven’t, I have one thing to say “Congratulations you have a life! Now leave!”
I feel that I should explain what I am talking about, two weeks ago CNN’s Wolf Blitzer proclaimed that CNN had the best political team on television. What he didn’t explain is what exactly that means, but he’s kind of old so people just humored him for a few days. Sensing an opportunity to assert their superiority, Rupert Murdoch’s FOX News decided to channel comic book guy by proclaiming that they had the “Best Political Team EVER!” Now this bold exclamation got me to thinking just what would be the best political team ever? I decided to do what I normally do when I encounter such a situation: consult my crack team of blog researchers, and after locking 1000 monkeys in a room with 1000 typewriters I was prepared to wait a week and find out. After a few hours I said “screw it”, and decided to do some research myself in the proud blogger tradition, by going to Wikipedia! After a few minutes I compiled this list of what would most assuredly be the best political team ever!
Team Captain: Abraham Lincoln. Let me consult my list of what a team captain should be
1. Must be a good leader who works well under pressure
2. Must have the audacity to stick to their beliefs even if hillbilly farmers with pitchforks threaten them with violence
3. Must have an awesome hat
I think you can all see that Lincoln clearly is the best choice to lead this team.
Team secretary: James Madison. If you were to make a list of the men most responsible for America’s present form of government this dude would be at the top of it. This man’s qualifications are many, but the most obvious are that he was a political genius, and his notes are the only record left of the constitutional convention held in Philadelphia. There ya go he was already acting like a secretary even before the need for this team arose. No one can argue with my logic, he belongs in this position, but Madison was the 18th century equivalent of a white erkel, and all this honky nerdiness needs to be countered. Which brings me to our next member:
Team Lead singer: Barack Obama. When I was compiling this team I had a major problem: how exactly would I counter the void in charisma that is a white erkel? After literally minutes of deep introspection I came up with the only thing that can possibly even this void out: a black Fonzi (god I need to update my metaphors). Websters dictionary defines charisma as the ability of one individual to get members of the opposite sex to like them. Judging by this definition which I just completely made up, Obama has tons of charisma. Oprah winfrey herself recently endorsed him, meaning that soccer moms are coming out in full force for him. But obama’s popularity isn’t limited to soccer moms younger ladies love this guy too, just look at Obama girl.
Team Badass: Makoto Nagano. Ever since I started attending college I have been watching the television station G4. In addition to a steep drop in IQ, I have gained a deep respect, and love of the Japanese game show/insane obstacle course ninja warrior. Only two men have emerged victorious from the show, and this dude was one of them. Just check out this video of him,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7VG5_diRx4U
If Jackie Chan, Chuck Norris and Mr. T were to somehow have an unholy Japanese love child this guy would be it. I know I would feel safe if I was on the same team as this guy.
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