Saturday, October 4, 2008

Rabbit-man Returns

Ok readers I know it has been a long time since anyone has posted anything on this blog and I would like to take the time to explain to you why. You see the Element of Surprise freighter where I and my fellow bloggers live play and work, was blown up by mutant terrorist babies. It was awful and not many of us made it out from there with our sanity in tact. It took me a while to hunt down those terrorists, but now that I have single handedly found and exterminated all of them, I am happy to tell you that I am back and ready to post on this blog again (and all the other contributors can come out of hiding). Yeay!

And it’s a good thing I came back too, because we are in some dire shit right now. I emphasize the dire here things aren’t going well at all. I’m talking of course about TV ratings, and how some of my favorite shows are being slowly throttled to death by the indifferent Nielsen-box-equipped minority of people that decide the television ratings. Good shows like Pushing Daisies, Chuck, and that terminator show are all getting shitty ratings, and may end up being canceled. But who is to blame for this catastrophe of epic proportions? Is it the small bus riding Nielsen box people? NO!!! It is the Network executives, and here is why.

To understand how TV works you must know one thing: people don’t like to change the channel on their TV. You can advertise a show all you want, but if you don’t forcibly grab those slobbering Nielsen box using idiots and place them in front of the TV when a good show is on they won’t watch it. Now here comes the question how do you force people to watch TV? The answer is you can’t, but you can be creative, and trick those pigeon brained Nielsen families into watching a good show like pushing daisies. All you need to is put a more successful (better watched) show in the time slot ahead of it. It is that simple. Advertising when a show is on doesn’t work because people are too stupid to remember when a new show is on, but people will remember when shows like American Idol, Grey’s Anatomy, and Celebrity Reality show concept 13 are on. So you just put a show on after that.

There is a historical precedent for this shit. For example let’s consider the TV show House MD, when House first premiered it’s ratings were absolute shit nobody watched that show. Fortunately FOX in an uncharacteristically shrewd scheduling move put House on after American Idol. You know what happened? People watched House because they were too stupid to change the channel after American Idol, and House became a hit!!! Fast forward to a few weeks ago, Fringe premiered on FOX and got shitty ratings, then a week later Fox moved Fringe to the time slot after House, and guess what happened Fringe became a hit. It is literally that simple, all the advertising in the world isn’t worth a shit, when you can just put one show on after a successful show and have it leech of it’s predecessor’s ratings. SO ABC LISTEN UP, AND PUT PUSHING DAISIES ON AFTER GREY’S ANATOMY, FANS OF GREY’S WILL SURELY LIKE PUSHING DAISIES, AND WILL MIGRATE OVER TO THE FAR SUPERIOR SHOW. That is all