Monday, May 25, 2009


Ok so last column kind of got sidetracked and went to a weird place. Honestly I was trying to write about Grant Morrison’s brilliant run on New X-Men, but once I actually got started talking about Grant Morrison, I started rambling about crap. I mean the guy’s life story is an oscar winning biopic in the making, I swear it. I did a little bit of research about him a while ago, and there is some interesting, and paranoid shit out there, you readers should seriously look for it. Also to complete the night of grand conspiracy theories and paranoia, Look up the Montauk Chair, The Blue moon conspiracy, and Morphic Resonance. Actually just read the first paragraph on this website, the last sentence is probably one of the funniest things ever written on the internet. That Montauk wikipedia article is pretty funny too especially the part where it warns about how the article does not site any of its sources.
Crap! See this is what happens when I talk about Grant Morrison, I start rambling about conspiracy theories. WHY CAN’T I JUST REVIEW NEW X-MEN LIKE I WANTED? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.
Ok I think I’ll just settle down by talking about a movie that deals with conspiracy theories, the horrors of aging, and the sadness of being forgotten by the world. Yeah that’s right I’m going to review “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”! Wait, I didn’t see that crappy movie. I mean Benjamin Button is like 5 and a half hours long, and no one has been able to watch the whole thing through due to how boring it is. Why would I subject myself to that? For the good of my readers who want to know about the movie? Hah that’s funny, maybe if somebody started paying me to write shit then I would review godawful pieces of shite like “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”. No I’m going to review something that interests me, something like say X-Me—Bubba Ho-tep. Man what a great movie Bubba Ho-Tep was. I mean it had it all conspiracy theories, comments on the horrors of aging and the sadness of being forgotten by the world (Strange I feel like I’m repeating myself here), also it stars an aging Elvis Aaron Presley who teams up with a black guy who thinks he is JFK to fight a mummy. Yeah I know must of you loyal readers who have made it this far into the review probably were already sold based on that sentence alone so I should probably stop here with the review. But TWIST I won’t. I freaking promised to review something in this post, and dammit I am gonna review. Screw the ramifications! So basically Bubba Ho-Tep begins in a most depressing fashion depicting a bedridden Elvis Presley (Played by the amazing Bruce Campbell) trapped in the most horrible old folks home ever. Much time is spent showing how a place like that can just destroy a person, and Elvis is just a big sack of do nothing sadness. It’s a little hard to watch, especially when you think that the movie is supposed to be about Elvis and Black JFK fighting a mummy, but I digress. You see this is a movie about redemption and in order to get anyone to give a flying eff about a hero’s redemption you must first show the depths to which the hero has fallen. The first half of Bubba Ho-Tep concerns itself with that goal, and does a splendid job. Naturally once the plot reaches the turning point the rest of the movie is almost twice as enjoyable because of what came before. Overall I highly recommend this movie, for it’s humor, conspiracy theories, and surprisingly emotionally involving characters. This may be a B-movie, but it’s got more soul than any number of Hollywood blockbusters with 100 times it’s budget. (Crap I’ve been watching too much “How I met your Mother” I mean that show’s hilarious but if you watch it too long you start to think in lame metaphors (by Thor’s hammer that show is filled with lame metaphors, but it is so freaking hilarious that I love it) and even lamer analogies. So please forgive the terrible last sentence (although I would bet it is worthy of the DVD cover all it needs is a few more exclamation points.))
Rabbit-Man out!!

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